Accountability and Responsibility

"A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune."- Horace

As I go through my first weeks of being a real teacher, I am realizing my students are not the only ones who have been allowed to skate through education with bad habits and work habits. I too have skated along procrastinating, avoiding work and at times putting forth less than my best. I have 3 classroom rule: 1) Respect Yourself, 2) Respect Others 3) Respect the room as a learning environment. I preach to my students daily that if they follow these rules they should be able to sit next to anyone, complete all their work on time and do their best. Some days those rules are followed pretty well, other days I am constantly raising my voice, giving out detentions and calling parents. Oddly enough, the trend set by my first block often holds true for the remaining three. I wonder why? Perhaps there's something in the air, or maybe a full moon, but what I think is really strange is usually these bad days coincide with days where I am teaching stories I am not passionate about or conducting a lesson that I thought about but never sat down and really planned, or had stayed up late the night before watching TV.

Thursday of this week followed one such day. Wednesday had found me frustrated, tired and unprepared. So Wednesday night I decided that rather than pass out on the couch, I would throw myself into planning for the next day. I chose a poem I had used in student teaching and even posted on this blog before called 'Knock Knock." I used the poem to teach theme and conflict. I stayed up until midnight making a prezi about the topic. I prepared pre-reading questions and discussion questions for after reading, and finished by crafting a personalized journal response based on the poem.

The next day I was still tired, but I have gotten used to this feeling. The lesson killed. It was just enough "stuff" to keep everyone working the length of the period. I was passionate about the poem which created interest, and the best was kids enjoyed the poem and could even relate to it more than I would have thought. Each class demanded multiple views and did the most meaningful writing they have done for me yet. Even my lowest class exceeded my expectation. The highlight for me was reading the words put on the page by one kids who has been quiet and stand-offish. He wrote

"This poem was sad because the boy lost his father to prison. In the end it was happy because he turned out ok. I felt sad reading it because my dad's in prison. I hope I will be ok too.

These three simple sentences were not only an intellectual accomplishment for him, but they expressed an empowering vulnerability, and they give me a shot of vitality that I long for in in each lesson. What I have learned is I can see and feel the difference between days when I put my heart into planning and days when I succumb to laziness, exhaustion and defeat. My students are better behaved, more engaged and do higher quality work, and that is more than enough for me to step up and start being responsible for the same rules to which I hold them accountable.

The Magic of Tomorrow

Teaching is a lot like most things in life: it's not what you expect. I was pretty psyched to start my new job. I had an idea of what my classroom would look like, and I realized day one that my idea was off. The first week was rough. It really was a combination of being new, working with 7th graders (who I found out are SURPRISINGLY younger than 8th graders) and being a bit unprepared for the culture I was stepping into. It certainly was not ideal. The biggest hurdle that I faced was realizing that for me to teach these kids, I may have to adjust my method and style. One class especially (my last class of the day), was just knocking the wind out of me every day. However I soon remembered one of the perks of being a teacher: tomorrow. Every tomorrow is an opportunity to do better. To change. To start new. The best thing is, the kids totally subscribe to this magic. They love second chances just as much as I do. So far I am 8 days in, and I have taken full advantage of my fresh starts.

I have had to crack down a bit on my last class, disciplinary wise, but its worked. I also moved a bunch of kids from that class to another class to make the size more manageable, and I can already see a positive change both for me, and my students. All in all this week has been exactly what I needed, I'm still a long way from figuring it out, but I have my confidence and optimism back. I mentioned the culture, and I think it really does play a huge factor. I have some kids that are lower academically than I have ever seen. I have some kids that are so nasty to one another that it takes my breath away. I have some kids who put in zero effort because CHOOSING to fail is a lot less demeaning than TRYING and failing. And a lot of those kids go home to places that I can't imagine. But despite their environment, those kids show up everyday. The least I can do is show up too. And offer them the chance to start fresh tomorrow with me.

My City

It has been long time since I posted on here. However as I am less than 24 hours away from the first day of my first teaching job, it seems fitting that I revamp this blog. Though I wasn't always the most faithful blogger, it really was amazing how much this blog served me as self-reflection tool during my student teaching, and I hope it will continue to serve that purpose now.

I have been in North Carolina for roughly three weeks, and it's starting to feel normal. Southern Pines (the town I live in) is a really cool little area with a thriving downtown complete with historic movie theater, ice cream parlor, book store and a plethora of bars, restaurants and coffee shops. It is very close to Pinehurst which is a very wealthy and gorgeous area. I teach in Hamlet which about 32 miles from Southern Pines. My principal like to refer to Hamlet as Mayberry, and perhaps it's comparable, but the poverty level in Hamlet far exceeds what Sheriff Andy had to deal with. Hamlet is an old railroad town that once thrived as a transit and trade town, however as the railroad declines so does the local economy. My school has roughly 600 kids, 86% of whom receive free or reduced lunch due to low income households. The school has very little in terms of resources. Our computers are not cutting edge (nor are they Apples which makes me very sad), the furniture is yard sale quality and when I arrived I had nothing in terms of supplies. I found out I would be given $200 for supplies as well as a case of paper, anything else would come out of pocket.

Your first impression of the school is probably similar to mine. It was a bit disheartening and certainly overwhelming to walk into. But as you walk through the school and talk with teachers, administrators, secretaries and maintenance men you begin to forget the "lack" of anything and begin to see what they have in bulk. Hamlet is a family that functions in the context of a school. Everyone loves and supports everyone. There is no competition or hoarding resources; everyone helps out. The principals are extremely encouraging and constantly advocate for us to think outside of the box and take risks. I have yet to hear the principal address the staff with out saying a"I don't care if you fail, just learn from that failure and try again." Which as a first year teacher is very encouraging.

I really want to get into the habit of posting on here a couple times a week, but for now I need to prepare for our open house tonight. As I have been trying to "fit in" in the south I have realized the emphasis on religion. They still begin school board meetings and staff meeting with prayer, which was shocking but sweet. So I have been trying to go to church and when I did, I heard this verse from Jeremiah that says "Pray for the city which you are in, for if that city prospers, so will you." I think needed that word to see Hamlet not as dilapidated, or hick or even Mayberry; rather to see it as MY city and realize that my success thrives on the success of that city. So pray for me as I go into my first day, and pray for my city too.

I may have feathers, but I'm no chicken

(This is a worthwhile video, but if you don't have 18 min. here's a quote to sum it up)

" we are educating people out of their creative capacities. Picasso once said this -- he said that all children are born artists. The problem is to remain an artist as we grow up. I believe this passionately, that we don't grow into creativity, we grow out of it. Or rather, we get educated out if it."

So I have come to this conclusion, well not so much a conclusion, more of a premonition. It came to me during a class discussion last week with my period 7 class. This is my best class in terms of discussion and sharing ideas and feelings. The discussion came from a conversation I saw on the NY Times website about if The Hunger Games should be considered more than just a Young Adult book. One literary snob said "The only thing more embarrassing than a grown man getting caught with porn on an airplane is getting caught reading The Hunger Games." So I printed the varying opinions out and brought them in to hear what my class had to say. The conversation was very good and eventually made its way to how I taught The Hunger Games and what they liked and did not like. One girl, very tactfully, began to complain that she wishes we had done more fun things with the book. Other teams had had mock HUnger Games with competition and prizes and costumes and the whole time Im thinking "that sounds like such a waste of time." But as I scanned the room I saw many students nodding in agreement. My premonition: maybe I am not fun enough for middle school.

You see as an English major, and a rather intellectual one at that, I cannot think of anything more fun than sitting around analyzing a book in a class discussion and then writing a paper relating that book to a current issue. What I forget is, I did not enjoy that sort of thing in middle school. Now this has two sides. 1) Students need outlets for creativity and movement in companion to text because that helps them learn. But also 2) the reason I did not enjoy these things in middle school was no one ever gave me the opportunity to do them, I am of the strong belief that our student will rise to the expectations and challenges we set for them. But for the sake of this post lets focus on the first.

So, tomorrow I am stretching myself, because I refuse to be "not fun enough for middle school." If my kids want creative fun, they shall have it! We are currently reading The Light in the Forest (Native American novel) so tomorrow we are going to have our usual end of book writing assignment and discussion. BUT there will be a twist. In addition we are going to make indian headdresses, complete with feathers and beads and all kinds of stuff. Our discussion is going to become a pow-wow. Kids will share their thoughts as native tribes did. We will eat goldfish and popcorn (symbols of the Native American dietary staples), and we will soak in the themes and language a novel that I know they all hate.

My hope for this class is that they take something worthwhile away from the book, and have fun. I went to a craft store today to get supplies and spent a lot of time at school cutting out the ugliest feathers you have ever seen. For me this is a step out of my comfort zone. It's something that I do not do well, and honestly I don't see as being that beneficial. But I know my kids will enjoy it, and I know it will stretch their mind in a different sort of way. And I for one am willing to take a risk for that opportunity for learning.

Green Books

So as you may have noticed, I have not been writing on this thing as much; partly because I am really busy, and partly because since I am in the classroom everyday, I am running out of monumental experiences to talk about on daily basis. You see, I don't want this to be a diary where I simply report what I do each day, I prefer it to be a platform to share what I am learning. As I always tell my students, one of the best ways to learn is to read.

Another reason I don't write on here as regularly is I have a lack of free time. Between my class and my teaching and working, I really only have time to watch a couple of TV shows a week and maybe take a nap. Recently an Ed professor explained to me the importance of taking time for yourself, to relax and sort of center yourself.

So this brings me to my new idea for this blog. Aside from writing about my classroom, I am also going to use this space to tell you about learning I am doing through reading. Now because I don't have a lot of money, I am going to do what I call green books. You see my book shelf has at least 20 books on that I have not read; in fact its probably more like 30-40. So I am going to take the time to read nightly and reflect on what I have read on this blog. I am also going to open this up to my friends on facebook and see if they want to join my green books movement; and I encourage you all to do it too.

Turning Point

" But man is not made for defeat. A man can be destroyed, but not defeated." - Ernest Hemingway

So there is a lot going on this week that ties together to make me feel a bit down. Obviously there is the PSSA testing which really is soul crushing. Along with that the air conditioning and fans are broken in the school so it is ridiculously hot and stuffy in there during the day, a lot of my kids failed the Social Justice paper, kids are becoming very lazy and my supervisor basically told me that he is not going to be around much this next half of the year so basically I passed. The sum of all of this is making it very tough to get motivated to get up and go the rest of this week; let alone the rest of this year.

The thing that is most troubling is that these kids really do not see value in school. They want the easy way out, they don't want to do work. I get that; I was that way when I was in school too. But I assumed I was the exception. That kids would flock to me and love my style and just get swept up in learning. They do love me (most of them) but I can't say they love my class, or the material. It's discouraging to put your heart into something and feel unappreciated. I can remember times when I was younger, actually maybe I wasn't so young, when would hurt my parents feelings and they would give me this look that just embodied how deflated they were. Like they had such high hopes for something and I just pulled the carpet out from them. I feel that same look this week when I look out onto a class of students who just want to be done, who just want easy.

The funny thing is my parents were really good at disguising that look. They would let it show for a moment and then they would look away or leave the room, and soon they'd be back with something else, as if it never happened. I need to learn that trick. I need to hide my deflation and just take another approach. Because thats what you do when you have great passion and love; you don't give up, you regroup. I think a lot of this feeling has to do with being tired, and knowing that most of my friends are on Spring Break and I'm stuck sweating in PSSAville. EIther way I am hoping to take this weekend to regroup and refresh.

Now I know a lot of people are itching to call or text me at this point to cheer me up, but I would rather you just comment on this post about a time you changed an approach or about a positive experience you had as a student. I always bounce back, I just need some time with me.

"This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you"

It's a sad week for teachers and students alike this week, it's PSSA week. The first three day installment of standardized tests, that last from 7:50-11:30. As a passionate educator I nearly get sick at the sight of 20 kids dead silent, filling in bubbles that will determine their school's state ranking, future classes, state funding and perhaps even their teacher's job. These tests are somewhat of a necessary evil; they are here and they are not going away, so we might as well just take them. They are just hoops we need to jump through. But it's not that simple. These tests are poisoning our education system. They are meant to suck creativity out of schools so that all kids get the same education and learn the same thing, the same way.

This goes back to the McDonalds post I had a couple weeks ago. Anyone who has been in a school can tell you that "standardized" anything is a joke. If you approach period 1 the same as period 6 your losing kids;it's that simple. So it goes with out saying that if thats the case, we also cannot expect that kids in Lancaster need the same things as kids in Philly and none of them need what kids in Texas need. In fact, what would a world of standardized learners look like? A concrete curriculum for every grade in every state? So every 11th grader takes pre-calculus and reads The Crucible? When you align yourself with a standardized anything, your ruining diversity that fuels learning.

The worst part about these tests is that they are not effective. They are impossible for some students and not nearly challenging enough for others. They only work for one learning type, they are way too long and they do not encompass any life long learning skills that I would actually value. No culture; no critical thinking; no building or problem solving; no collaboration and no research. These tests are nothing more than a wealthy politicians solution to a problem he knows nothing about. They are also a way for that same politician to make money. Standardized testing is a billion dollar industry, monopolized by a few companies, creating tests that determine the education of millions of students and jobs of teachers and administrators nationwide. All of this dictated by passing a test that is mathematically designed for 50% to fail. The House always wins.

Lessons I Hope We Never Stop Teaching

As my course load has now been reduced, I am now teaching 3 classes a day rather than 6, I have had the chance to watch my co-op teach. While I am teaching a novel unit on The Light in the Forest, he is guiding them through a research paper. Their paper is on prejudice. They must research an instance of historical prejudice/discrimination/intolerance etc. It flows rather nicely with my social justice paper. To introduce this unit, he uses the Holocaust. The kids mostly complained because they are also reading Anne Frank in their reading classes and they will learn about the Holocaust again in 10th grade. But my co-op was duel history/english ed major so he take advantage of this time to draw on another one of his passions.

One of the things he uses is a video of Oprah interviewing Elie Weisel at Auscwitz. If you do not know Elie Weisel, and/or you have not read his memoir "Night," than you are doing yourself a disservice. Hands down it is one of the most important books written in the last 30 years. The video takes two class periods to watch, and at times it is quite chilling. Some kids drag their feet and complain that this is too depressing to watch first period, and it is very heavy. But as I sat watching it for the third time, I realized a couple of things. 1) I was not able to grade any papers during this video, even after multiple/consecutive viewings. I hung on his words as if they were gospel. 2) I could have heard a pin drop in every class. 3) First hand accounts like this are becoming more and more vital. We have all heard that it is necessary to study history so it does not repeat itself. I was spoiled as a child. My grandfather fought in WWII and liberated Dachau. I have known about these horrors. But this generation, the greatest generation, is quickly withering away. When our kids hear about this from a teacher or read it in a book, its sad, boring history; when they see someone who lived through it, it's real.

Something about teaching makes me pretty emotional. On more than one occasion in the classroom I have been touched, nearly to the point of tears, and today was another one of those days. The emotion of the video and the solemnity of the classroom was remarkable. The catch phrase associated with the holocaust is "Never Forget." I never truly understood the weight and magnitude of that phrase until today. I would encourage you all to take time to watch this interview ( I must say it's worth it, even as an Oprah hater) and read his book. Heres a clip of the first part, watch as much as you want, but I warn you... 10 min will go quick

And then there was Tuesday..

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power."

Teaching is the most frustrating, tiring thing I have ever done. But it is also the most rewarding, fulfilling thing I have ever done. Everyday I set my alarm for 5:15, and nearly everyday I wake up at about 5:13 and lay there anxiously anticipating the day to come. Somedays I get pretty deflated. For instance, we just finished The Hunger Games and, as I have said, I introduced a project on social justice. Honestly, there was a lot of complaining. In hindsight I may have overachieved a bit, actually I don't buy that. I think a lot of teachers don't push their students near hard enough and as a result students have no idea of their true potential. Either way, certain kids whined a lot and wanted to do a test or a poster (as I said, no idea of their true potential). This at first was disheartening, then it was annoying and finally it really pissed me off. I was really excited to instill a sense of social conscience in my students. To watch them latch on to a passion and run with it. But all they really wanted was easy.

But today, something changed. We started our social justice speeches. Hearing the kids talk about these issues, and how they conflict with who they are and what they believe in, and what they, personally, did (not could do, or will do, but did do) was really inspiring. One girl wrote the white house expressing her outrage with the IOM guidelines accepted by the HHS in Obama Care forcing religious groups to provide money fro abortions , contraceptives and morning after pills. Another student created a blog about Hunger in the local area. A boy from my afternoon classes made a T-shirt that read "ASK ME ABOUT CHILDREN IN ARMED CONFLICT." On the back he had about 20 shocking statistics about the horrors done to children in parts Africa that force them to fight in rebellions and uprisings. Another girl had a bake sale to benefit children in third world countries born with a cleft lip or palate. One surgery costs $250. She raised $300.

Those are just some that stand out. Many students created websites, posted on facebook, tweeted or sent mass text messages spreading awareness about things like huner in somalia, genocide in Darfur, the inadequacies in the meat industry, bullying, gay rights, the food system and it's link to obesity and many other issues. Other students donated food to shelters, sent money via a website, hung poster in the class or made a petition. I made it clear from the start that this was not about how grandiose the action was, it was simply about acting. Seeing a problem and doing something. I'm sure a lot of student did the easiest thing they could, and that's fine. Other's I hope have found a passion that they will continue to harvest and make people aware of. Either way Tuesday was enough for me to be reignited. Kids are always going to want to take the easy way out, hell i think we all prefer the path of least resistance. However, I truely believe that by following what I believe to be right, teaching according to my personal pedagogy, that my students will learn. Maybe not the day I assign the project, maybe not the day they give their speech, but one day, I hope, they will learn. My mentor from Philly siad "Spencer, there are hundreds of kids out there who learned from me, and that feels amazing." Today I finally grasped a small part of that.

If kids were value meals, this system would be golden

I went to Penn State this weekend to visit my friend lexy and participate in their yearly State Paddies Day shenanigans. On the way up me and one of my best friends, Fritz, stopped at McDonalds for dinner. As we sat there chowing down on copious amounts of greasy goodness, Fritz said "You know what's comforting, the fact that I can eat at a Mcdonalds in PA, California or China and my food will taste the same." I had never thought of this before, or at least I had never truly thought about it. Mcdonalds, despite any personal views you may have on them based on animal rights, health concerns or product quality, has mastered continuity and consistency.

And this, is the perfect analogy for the current education system. In fact, it ha been the goal and the aim of education for years. In the industrial revolution schools naturally adapted to the factory system. Increments of work, lunch break, bells, asking superiors permission to use the bathroom, all of it was meant to prepare individuals for a factory job. Today, our aims are a bit higher, but not really any more noble. We strive higher education and rigorous standards, and we implement things like standardized tests tell us where our students are collectively and how well they are being taught by professionals.

The problem of course is unlike industry, this is not a field that can be controlled with standards and testing, because we deal with different raw materials. McDonalds has mastered their burger because they figured out a way to put the same product everywhere. Every McDonalds starts with the same burger and fries. They brew the same coffee and they wear the same uniform. However it is completely unrealistic to believe that this sort of continuity can be obtained in districts 5 miles apart let alone within the walls of the same school. I am increasingly shocked at how different my students are. In good ways and bad ways. For instance things like "levels" are a myth. There is no "8th grade" reading or writing level. I have kids who can write a 5 source research paper in a couple days and I have kids that can barely write an introduction paragraph. I have kids who can read a classroom novel in 2 days and others that need 4 weeks. Here's the thing, they both matter. They both need affirmation. ANd they are both capable of learning.

The AYP judges kids based on where they should be and also on growth of every student. Growth is a wonderful thing, we should embrace it and celebrate it. What is concerning is the emphasis grade level standards. Because some kids can't meet those standards, not in a year. They aren't lazy, or stupid or retarded, they just are on a different level. But they deserve to be affirmed for their accomplishments just the same. Because the more I see, the more I am convinced that self-efficacy is most of the battle. If kids believe they are going to fail, they will. If you make them believe they will succeed then get ready.

This gets us into a whole different topic, grades. I'm an easy grader, and I don't grade things often. A lot of students don't like that. Our factory system has taught them that grades equal pay check, would you go into work and do things if you weren't getting paid? Not if you worked in a factory. Now if you worked in a field that you loved, that fulfilled you, you just might. This is what I strive for with English. I want it to be a reaffirming exoerience every time a student reads a novel or writes a paper. Grades sometimes hinder that though. You see often grades are a ranking. So if the smartest kid gets an A+ on a paper, than naturally everyone else will get below that right? Now what about the kid who entered the class and had never written more than an intro? What if he turns in a 3 page paper? COmpared to my A+ student that paper's probably about a C-. But compared to his previous work? Well compared to that he just did more than he ever has in his life, and he did it well. So what do I give him?

All A's would be awesome. Effort=grades and if you waste your talent, then your wasting my time and I'm not going to grade it. Give it back to me when you did your best and you'll get the best I can give you. Sweet philosophy huh? Linda Christenson, a teacher from Portland Oregon, works in some f the worst districts, and she has that policy. In inner city it's awesome, because it brings out the best. In fact, Id argue it brings out the best in anyone. But would it work in more affluent districts? Districts with high taxes and competitive academics? Districts where parents actually look at report cards and call the principal everytime they feel their kid is being cheated? You see we're not Mcdonalds, our raw materials aren't the same; the people who recognize that often don't feel comfortable with prime rib getting the same recognition as a quarter pounder.

This a tricky issue, and as you can see I don't have a concrete solution. I'm not at all suggesting that we should keep standards low and reward kids for low achievement. What I am saying is that affirming kids for what they are capable of and then challenging, and expecting them to improve is the only standard I need to adhere to. And if the people making laws recognized that, I don't think we'd even need standardized tests. No one wants to under achieve, they just don't know how to get to the top of a ladder with missing rungs.

My Thoughts on Curriculum

Recently I have been planning my next unit which I will start in March. The unit is in companion with the required novel "A Light in the Forest," a classic novel that is particularly cool to teach around here because it deals with the tension between Native Americans and Colonists in Lancaster, Columbia and th surrounding areas. I am basing the unit around the theme of culture and to start I wanted to make sure my students have a good idea of the history of Native Americans in this country. Something beyond the happy feathered folklore that shared the first Thanksgiving with the peaceful pilgrims. In other words I wanted them to see the truth behind the mistreatment of Native Americans starting with colonization and continuing today (it's an awesome transition from our Hunger Games Identity/Social injustice issues). In preparation for this unit I realized I could not remember much of my previous Native American education. Terms such as "Wounded Knee," "Trail of Tears," and "Sitting Bull" popped up in my brain, but I couldn't for the life of me remember specifics. So I talked to my teams Social Studies teacher about what the kids already know. Apparently 8th grade is the year they "touch on" Indians through the Western Expansion Unit but they do not talk more in-depth until 11th grade.

I have beef with this for a lot of reasons. First, since when has been possible to over learn something? To "overdose" on truth? I'm not picking on my district or the social studies department either, all districts have this problem with all content areas. For instance as an English teacher, it's just known that kids will read The Outsiders in 9th grade and To Kill a Mockingbird in 9th. In fact, I am supposed to discourage my students from reading, watching or even thinking about To Kill a Mockingbird as eighth graders, because that is a 9th grade book. Has anyone ever read To Kill a Mockingbird too much? Can my students over learn family values, racial equality and the damage caused by rape? I hope not. I have read the Great Gatsby three times, not nearly enough. I recently read Our Town for the third time, it was like reading a new play. Good literature hits you everytime you read it, the cool thing is, it hits you differently depending on where you are in your life.

I'm not saying we should start reading Gatsby in 8th grade and every year of school after, what I'm saying is we shouldn't let adhering to a curriculum get in the way of teaching. Curriculums are made by governments, look at our government, do you trust them to know what's best for your kids? Is the even a "best" for "kids." Can we say EVERY student must know this? I don't know. I think kids are unique everywhere. Kids in Cocalico may not need to read the same books as kids in Lancaster city. It's a different culture. That being said, kids in the same class really don't have to read the same book, at least they shouldn't. The book I'm about to teach is regard pretty widely as boring. I like it a lot, and I'm guessing students that really like history or are into local history or stories rooted in nature and family will like it. So for those kids I say read it. What bout the other kids? Well in most classrooms they have to read it too. SO they either struggle through a book they hate, look up the summary online or just don't read. I'm not ok with any of those options.

When units are based on broad issues, rather than rigid curriculum, students can find somewhere to plug in. I could think of 10 books in 30 sec that could realate to the theme of culture and my kids would benefit from reading. In fact, the whole class would benefit because students would all be getting new knowledge/perspective and sharing that with the class. Think about it, a discussion that represented 20 different books on culture versus a discussion of one book. That a place where I want my kids to learn. Todays schools are fueled by "content coverage" meant to prepare them for standardized tests. So each class cruises through individual units that show no relationship to previous units or other classes. We don't learn that way. Our brains are not a bureau with organized, separate drawers. Learning is organic, and it relies on prior knowledge and experience. So kids should be talking about Native American culture every year in history. Then relating that to the novel they read in English and then next year when they read Mockingbird they can connect the ideals of southern culture to the Native American culture, and so on and so forth.

I've been working on my resume and I need an objective for the top. SOmething that defines me and separates me from others. Hows this "My goal, nay my promise, is to never put any test or curriculum above learning. I would sacrifice half the content in a year for one day of learning that will stick with my students forever." Might not get me a lot of jobs, but I think i'll sleep like a baby.

The Real Test

“An educator should consider that he has failed in his job if he has not succeeded in instilling some trace of a divine dissatisfaction with our miserable social environment.”




So today I introduced my Hunger Games classes to their final project: find a social injustice. The project has two parts: a paper and a speech. The paper is meant to explain the issue: who it effects, where it is happening, how long it has been going on and possible solution to fix the problem. In addition to this, they have to connect their injustice to the book. The speech is an attempt to scale the problem down. So we have identified this problem, what now? In the speech each student will explain why they chose this issue; specifically, how does this issue conflict with their core values; what about this problem sits in their gut and just makes them sick. The most important part of the speech is the action step. Each student has to "do" something about this problem. Post facebook statuses, hang posters, make a commercial, write their congressman etc. I told the kids that no action is too big or too small for this assignment; it's not about what you do, it matters that you do something.

I started the class with what is called a four-corners activity. Each corner is labeled: AGREE, DISAGREE, STRONGLY AGREE or STRONGLY DISAGREE. I read statements and the students went to the corner that best described their feelings. Then, I chose students to share why they chose that particular corner. Statements like "Overall life in America is very good" and "there are some parts of the world that are so messed up, they are hopeless." I ended with "if you see something going on that is wrong, and no one else is willing to acknowledge it, it's up to you to make the change." I purposefully tried to start conversations with students I knew would be opinionated and then call on one's who never volunteer. It went very well.

From here I had them go back to their seats as I read excerpts from the UN Declaration of Human Rights. Statements like "All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights.They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood." "Everyone is entitled to all the rights and freedoms set forth in this Declaration, without distinction of any kind, such as race, colour, sex, language, religion, political or other opinion, national or social origin, property, birth or other status." I asked them if they thought these principles were true; they did. I asked them if they felt these principles were being upheld in the world; they did not. I asked them if they felt these principles were being upheld in America; they did not. "What do we do?" I asked them. A few people raised their hands immediately (you know those kids) and I politely motioned them to put them down. And we sat in silence for a few seconds.

“In these days of difficulty, we Americans everywhere must and shall choose the path of social justice…, the path of faith, the path of hope, and the path of love toward our fellow man.” ― Franklin D. Roosevelt

“I ask for, not at once no government, but at once a better government. Let every man make known what kind of government would command his respect, and that will be one step toward obtaining it.”-Henry David Thoreau

“There are certain things in our nation and in the world which I am proud to be maladjusted and which I hope all men of good-will will be maladjusted until the good societies realize — I say very honestly that I never intend to become adjusted to — segregation and discrimination. I never intend to become adjusted to religious bigotry. I never intend to adjust myself to economic conditions that will take necessities from the many to give luxuries to the few." Martin Luther King Jr.

“For of those to whom much is given, much is required. And when at some future date the high court of history sits in judgment on each of us—recording whether in our brief span of service we fulfilled our responsibilities to the state—our success or failure, in whatever office we hold, will be measured by the answers to four questions: 
First, were we truly men of courage—with the courage to stand up to one’s enemies—and the courage to stand up, when necessary, to one’s associates—the courage to resist public pressure, as well as private greed?
 Secondly, were we truly men of judgment—with perceptive judgment of the future as well as the past—of our mistakes as well as the mistakes of others—with enough wisdom to know what we did not know and enough candor to admit it?
 Third, were we truly men of integrity—men who never ran out on either the principles in which we believed or the men who believed in us—men whom neither financial gain nor political ambition could ever divert from the fulfillment of our sacred trust? 
Finally, were we truly men of dedication—with an honor mortgaged to no single individual or group, and comprised of no private obligation or aim, but devoted solely to serving the public good and the national interest? "- John F. Kennedy

I broke the silence by reading these quotes. Most of the kids got excited to start; others looked completely freaked. Some kids beamed with a passion and started asking me about topics they could choose. I wanted to hug them; others sat looking like catty eighth graders and asked why we couldn't just take a test; I did not want to hug them (a teacher on my team who is known for not taking any whining told me I should give them a test now too and tell them which students they can thank). I just sat back and listened to the whining with a smile. There is not one ounce of me that thinks this project is not going to be good for them, as long as they try. Little do they know that education is the social injustice that speaks to me, and they are all assisting me in my research.

"How to teach a bunch of pricks (pun intended)"

So I know I have been slacking on my posts and I apologize. It seems a daily writing resolution was less feasible that I thought, although it would be much easier if I had a 3-G i-phone...(hint hint mom and dad). Anyway there has been a few things on my mind lately, and, as always, they connect together rather well: student engagement, participation and valentines day. In short, how can I get my students to be engaged? How do I promote an environment that kids want to participate in? And why is it that the most stupid, superficial, commercialized holiday succeeds in enthralling me every year?

First, it's terrifying and exhilarating how little I know about teaching. I know that teaching is a lifelong profession that you are always working at and never done developing. It is just a bit overwhelming to have all these ideas form from theories, that you put into action and they flop. Silence is terrifying as a teacher. But my supervisor made an interesting observation the other day. He came in to watch me teach, and in our meeting after he said "I noticed your quick to call on the first hand that's raised, what would happen if you didn't?" It's an interesting question. Perhaps if I waited 30 seconds an idea could take shape in the minds of students that normally do not participate. More likely, students will stare at me awkwardly and the ones with their hands raised will wave them at me. But what if?

It's equally troubling when I realize many of my student are not as engulfed with the topic or the classroom as I am. I don't know if you remember eighth grade, but there's a lot of whining. Also a lot of sweat and hormones, but those also contribute to the whining. I get a lot of groans, a lot of "do we have to?" "Why are we doing this?" I like to give them answers to these legitimate questions and actually tell them why we're doing this, but after 6 classes of answering this, I start to feel the temptation to answer with the ol' standby "because I said so.." And that's scary.

And finally, as the 14th looms nearer, I find myself pining over a date. Some boyhood romanticized dream that this one day of the year is somehow special and more conducive to love. That if I just take the right girl out on this day, I will be fulfilled and things will workout. As per usual I start February not caring at all about this stupid day, but now I'm think just maybe I should ask someone, anyone! Maybe I'll get in a fender bender tomorrow morning and that girl will want to go out with me! It's been 21 years, but hell, lets try to force love into one day!

So I'm wondering, what do I need to do, how can I change things? How can I make my student share more? How can I get them to stop complaining and start thinking? How can I be content with where I am in my personal life and stop looking to some greeting card ideal of happiness? The answer, don't fear the pricks. Facing the silence of a classroom is equally as painful as a whiney class. And both are just as grueling as waiting for someone you think is worth it. Getting closer to the pricks in life, the things that hurt, that are uncomfortable is scary because there is the opportunity for pain. I can crash and burn after 2 min of waiting in silence for that idea to take hold in someone's mind. My students may keep on whining and demanding a reason for everything; or that girl i'm waiting on may turn out to be just another dead end. But maybe, just maybe, if we forget about the, we may get close enough to the very people we rely on for our success to feel the warmth, and avoid the pricks all together.

(Note: I'm tired, so it's hard to tell if this metaphor makes sense)

Great Success!

Last was not so good for me. Student teaching is exhausting, and when you are exhausted and faced with added stress things do not always go so well. I went into this week wondering what what kinds of problems and letdowns would be awaiting me, and what I found is that one success, can change your entire outlook on things. Teaching has been going well this week, things are clicking rather well and I have really been enjoying it. So I count that as a success. Another huge success came last night. I was at work at the coffee shop and it was slow so I was doing some work (of course while simultaneously checking facebook) and I saw a bunch of my friends had statuses about the PRAXIS. My heart sank and stomach turned and I knew that this would be the straw that broke my back. I thought for sure I had failed and this would set me into some sort of anxiety overload and I would wake up a week from now in a straight jacket in Phil Haven... Well as you can see, being that I am typing this, I am not in a straight jacket. I passed with a score that was well over the minimum requirement and frankly way higher than I would have ever imagined. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Recently, I was turned onto an awesome blog by my friend Josh, one of the great minds in my life, about learning and thinking called brainpickings.org. They have all kinds of books and quotes and just cool stuff. One of the posts was about a book of correspondences between Jackson Pollock and his family. There are a lot of beautifully written letters, but one from his Dad stood out to me. He wrote:

"Well Jack I was glad to learn how you felt about your summer’s work & your coming school year. The secret of success is concentrating interest in life, interest in sports and good times, interest in your studies, interest in your fellow students, interest in the small things of nature, insects, birds, flowers, leaves, etc. In other words to be fully awake to everything about you & the more you learn the more you can appreciate & get a full measure of joy & happiness out of life.”

I love that, "the secret to success is concentrating interest in life... in other words to be fully awake to everything about you."
When I think back to last week, and the "dark period" I was in. I realized I that none of that darkness came from the classroom, but rather outside bull shit. When you focus on you, your goals and identity, you can't get knocked down, and thats success.

"When I was a kid, I walked to school up hill both ways..." and it was still more fun than being there...

There is this phenomena in life that we all bare witness to everyday. The concept of aging/maturing/evolving. It is a beautiful thing. However sometimes the three do not go hand-in-hand (in- hand?). That is to say, age does not necessarily make you mature, nor does it mean you have evolved. It is a myth to believe that aging brings with it maturity, just as it is a myth to believe that grades signify knowledge/intelligence/wisdom. SO often we leave aspects of school behind because "you are too old for that." Like parent/teacher conferences; why is it that when we get passed 5th grade it is no longer beneficial for them to communicate with our teachers face-to-face twice a year? Recess, why is it that after 5th grade we can not go play out side for a 20 minutes? It seems to me ADD and obesity could both be aided by implementing recess or some sort of rec/outdoor time in the upper levels. The list is so long; for instance, snack time, nap time, play time, drawing, music, singing, show and tell, start time, the list goes on!

At some point in our aging, we forget that school, or more importantly learning, is fun. Because we stop letting our students lose themselves in activities and creativity and showering them with praise, and we start implementing structure. Rules. Rubrics. Standards. Before you know it kids do not have time for learning, only doing. They are not readers, they do reading. They are not writers, they do writing. Just like the do sports, music, drama and student government. This is not to say kids do not still get enjoyment out of these things, but they do not associate the joy they get from fully engaging in something, with school.

Point in case, today I had a conference with a girl in my Hunger Games class. This girl is a real character. Funny, outgoing, athletic- just a well rounded good student. She always tease me about being an "English Nerd" and tells me how much she hates english and precedes to list all the jobs she would rather do than be an English teacher ( things like garbage man, janitor, shovel man at the zoo). So I'm conferencing with her about the book today and she tells me she finished it in two days. She then asks me if I have any recommendations about similar books and begins telling me all the books she has read that she likes. The list is endless. When we were done I said "I thought you hate English? you sound like a pretty big English nerd to me?" She said "ewww i do hate English, I just love to read."

There are plenty of reasons I could point to for this very common reaction to school, but the lack of joy in teaching/learning is a huge contributer. In my other classes I'm teaching A Midsummer Night's Dream. Which I love, and I think is an excellent play to use for middle schoolers who are reading Shakespeare for the first time, because it's fun and humorous. So today we talked about Shakespeare's use of verse and rhythm among certain characters and what sorts of emotional and cultural cues we can pick up from it, sounds fun huh? Well to do this I brought in Dr. Seuss books and the kids gathered around me on the floor (just like they used to do) and I read them the story, showing pictures, asking questions, using funny voices etc. The loved it. Then we wrote lines from the book on the board and clapped them out as as a class. From here, we wrote in our journals about why we used to love Dr. Seuss and why today we still love him. Eventually we got to rhyme and rhythm and from there, we jumped into the play.

Now just in writing this all down in this post I realize it seems like I took the long way, but here's the thing: I don't care how long it takes me to get somewhere, as long as my students are with me, and better yet, guiding me to the destination. Because just like that girl from the story above, most of my students don't want to be ENGL majors (yet!) but by losing themselves in the joy of reading, the kind of joy only a child can truly know, they finally stop doing, and start learning.

Why I Should Retire When I Graduate, but Just Can't...

The other night I was working and my friend asked me what my favorite ice ream flavor is. Out of the 30 flavors we have this is pretty tough. I'm actually not a huge ice cream guy to begin with, but I told him my favorite is butter pecan. He shook his head and said "Jesus, your already 60." He proceeded to point things out about my character to illustrate this, like my love of sweaters, the fact that i whistle when I walk, that I read on a saturday night etc. He may have a point, I do have somethings about me that are usually reserved for an older man. The thing that ages me the most: my contempt for change.

I am huge on tradition, and I always have been. I like to do the same thing on christmas eve every year (watch The Family Stone and have a fire in the fire place), I often ordr the same things at restaurants and sometimes I almost get sick when I hear there will be a new person at a family dinner (like a new husband or step-child), not because I'm anti-social, but because it's just not they way its always been. In this way, I am a lot like an old man, and should probably retire.

But there is also something else that that takes precedent over fear of change, and that is passion. My passion gives me a vitality that I am sure will never age. For instance, today I had a bad day. It started at 6:20 when I stepped outside and realized my car was gone, towed to the tune of two hundred dollars for parking in a lot that my roommate has parked in everyday for 4 months, i got towed after day 4. I was livid. part of not dealing with change well is that I also don't deal well with unplanned events. For some parts of the day I could almost not breath because I was so mad and so anxious about the bill. But something happend 6th period. My kids came alive with a new topic, that was honestly, on the border of being beyond them. I was teaching them how to read with a specific lens, for instance historical or linguistic. This is a skill most people do not learn until college, but i think it's relatively easy and extremely liberating. They latched onto it, and before I knew it they were analyzing the book in a way that mimicked a college environment. I mean obviously their points were nt ground breaking, but for an 8th grader to say "well I think the main character doesn't trust anyone, and if you look at that from a psychological lens i think that probably has something to do with her mom having a breakdown when her father died." BOOM. For the next couple of periods I interacted with kids on examples like this and not only could I not stop smiling, but i didn't worry about my car or my wallet once.

One of my favorite scenes in a movie is in Benjamin Button when they are laying in bed and Cate Blanchet asks Brad Pitt what's is on his mind. He looks at her with this heartbreaking calmness and says "I was just thinking about how nothing lasts, and what a shame that is." This scene gives me chills, because I think it gets to the heart of why I hate change. It scares me, and sometimes hurts me that things can't just stay the way they are. Because sometimes when I don't see my friends as often as I used to, a new face is at the table of Thanksgiving or that girl who doesn't leave my mind might start to change hers- I often worry that I'm not going to make it. That a big piece of me is so wrapped up in who I was, that I can't see who I might be. But for a couple periods today, none of that mattered, and that's how I know I'm in a good place..

"I know that most of you won't watch this, but do you know, that I know, you won't watch it?" (You should at least watch it so this title makes sense)

So as I continue to unwrap the interworking of a classroom community; I am picking up on how important it is to articulate. Why is it so difficult to just say what we mean? For instance, there is this "safety-zone" in my class that requires me to not ask a question that is too easy like "Who wrote the Hunger Games?" Because everyone can easily answer this question in a heartbeat ans as soon as they answer they lose all interest, it's just too easy. However I also cannot lead with "How do you think the Hunger Games represent the Holy Catholic Church?" This is too big and too challenging that most of my students will just put their heads down? I also can't say "what do you think?" This is too abstract. Many students will get lost in their own heads, a few more will immediately say "I don't know," and a couple more will say "it's good." In essence I need to walk this tightrope wire of language, trying not to make anyone to comfortable but yet making sure that no one is scared off? Fun huh?

Let me know if you have any helpful resources for me on discussion or psychology of questions!

"You know what they say about big feet right?".... Long story short, I Think Highly of Myself

For a long time now, I have had no problem looking in the mirror and finding something I like. I don't know how this came about, I come from quite a humble household. I guess at some point I got it in my head that girls liked confidence(said the single 21 year old with ego made in Texas) so I changed my wallflower ways and opened up. Honestly it's served me quite well. I'm still relatively reserved around strangers, yet I'm more than capable of articulating my points and getting people to like me. It has not been until recently that I realized I may need to tone it down.

Let me explain. You see I have this goal of establishing a classroom community which I think is vital for all classrooms. How that community looks and functions is solely up to the teacher and should be natural for that teacher. For instance, the two teachers I learned the most from in high school were Mr. Axe and Mr. Carter. Mr. Axe wouldn't dream of lecturing or really telling us anything. He simply gave us books paired with articles and gave us incredible discussion topics or essay prompts or let us teach the class anything about the book we chose. It was self-directed learning that drew upon personal experience; it was authentic and it was community. The second was Mr. Carter. Mr. Carter taught social studies and economics, and most of his class was lecture. Now don't misunderstand me. Lecture often has a negative connotation when associated with pedagogy, but lecturing is not bad. Again, it is all about the person. I learned an incredible amount about their content area, teaching and how to be a man from both of these individuals: both were very different, but both were successful based on their passion and community.

The trouble I am having with community is that it's a process. Because of my personality, I gravitate much more towards the Mr. Axe way of doing things. I'm laid back. I like students to do their own work at their own pace. I also love listening to them through conferences and class discussions. The problem is I have a lot of ideas about the books we read. So when I pose a question and I hear crickets, I rephrase it ( aka I dumb it down or ask it in a way that leads them toward what I want to hear). This is wrong. i am conditioning my students to avoid answering because they know that I will come in for the rescue. In the process their learning is stifled and the community ceases to grow.

Like I have said before, the root of most harmful teaching practices is fear. My ego makes me fear how I look in the eyes of others. What perceptions will they have of me? What will the silence that follows my question say about me? Parker Palmer talks about this when he speaks of the paradox's of good teaching, specifically good teaching values discussion as much as silence. According to Palmer, when I choose to end the silence, I am interfering with my students thinking and thus learning. Rather than allowing them to eventually be led to their own conclusions, my fears cause me to spoon feed them my own regurgitated ideas.

In Arthur Miller's play All My Sons, the character Chris says "I don't know why it is, but every time I reach out for something I want, I have to pull back because other people will suffer." Chris is speaking to a very fundamental principle of teaching/service in general: I come second. Building a community is a process. I had the pleasure of having Mr. Carter his first year, and every year i was in high school, and I can tell you he got better every year. I am not discouraged, It's just scary when you find yourself talking AT your students, ask them to quiet down so they can hear YOU, and all the sudden I realize I'm like the Dad who vowls he'll never parent like HIS father I just know i can do better!

"If I Should Have Daughter.."

The one thing I can not help but notice is the need for role models. Not just people who lead a good example, but people that have screwed up so often and so bad, that they want to share it, just to prevent other people from making those same mistakes. I try to do this in my class, with reservations. There are a lot of mistakes I can't really tell them, but I am always looking for ways to share parts of me with them. One way I do this is with free writes. Free Writes are times where we pour our brains and our souls onto paper, forget about commas and subject-verb agreement and just get out what we need to get out. That piece of us that is on the tip of our tongue but not ready to leave our mouths. I ask my students to share these secrets with a few people: their paper, their classmates and me. This takes a certain amount of trust, so I try t always write along side them and share my stories, poems and memories in the same circle, with the same mixed emotions of fear and vulnerability that they do. For me, this is one way that I can build community and lead by example all the while creating a culture of writing.

However the more I watch and listen the more I am convinced that what this society needs is role models. I try to be that man that boys can look up to, have fun with and learn from but I'm facing the disheartening realization that I can't necessarily fill that role with my girls. Not that I can't teach them and learn from them, it's just more and more I'm realizing that I'm a bit clueless in this department. And the more I listen to them share and talk to them, the more I wonder if i want a daughter, you see the world is tough for these girls.

Now I don't know if I want a daughter, but I probably do ( obviously one boy/one girl makes the perfect family) but I know for a fact that I want to ease the transition from adolescence for all my students, boys and girls. So I've been trying to brush up a bit on gender issues and that sort of thing. I have been listening carefully to conversations among my female students and watching their reactions to certain situations and I'm learning, but I'm still clueless. All of this reminded me of a poem I really like by an amazing female poet named Sarah Kay. Here's two poems I really like by her, hope you enjoy.

What Were Working Towards

This semester I am teaching my eighth graders The Hunger Games. Many have of you have probably read this book, and if you have you may be wondering why it's being taught in school. On the surface the books appears to be one of those trendy teen books that blows up and becomes the biggest thing around for about ten minute. On some level that may be true, but do not get it twisted. The Hunger Games is no Harry Potter or Twilight, it is actually a bit of a literary gold mine that dives into serious issues like love, freedom, survival and identity. The latter is the basis of the unit I'm teaching. Identity is huge for me, because I believe the best knowledge is self-knowledge. If you do not know yourself than you cannot accomplish very much. So try not to focus my teaching on Shakespeare, poetry or writing essays, but rather in questions like how can I find myself through Shakespeare? What does this poem say about me? How do I write an essay that authentically represents who I am? If these connections are not made, than I have no business telling my kids to read something.

So I am focusing this Hunger Games unit on Identity to start, I gave the kids a Core-Value Survey. They had 40 cards in front of them, each displaying a core-value and definition. Things like "faith," "religion," "trustworthiness," "pleasure," "social," "wealth," "knowledge," "freedom" and many others. The goal was, through process of elimination, to get this down to the 5 values that are at your core. In other words, at your center, what do you value the most? What will you never give up? It was awesome to see hear the kids talk about what these values mean to them and where they came from. Each student will present these values to the class throughout the unit by bringing in objects that reflect or represent them.

Through these values, we will base all of our endeavors into the book. We will talk about characters' identities and why they are that way. We will talk about setting and how that effects our characters and us. Things like reality TV and government. Students will know what it means to hold onto these values even in a hostile environment. This is all leading up to the final project which will have them identify a social injustice that violates their core values and write a paper relating that injustice to the book, themselves and propose a change. Like the young man in the video, students will be required to take action as a component of the assignment. We will talk about what it means to inspire change, how revolutions begin at the bottom and work their way up and how to use the system to your advantage.

I do not expect all of my students to be on TED speaking to the world about change, but than again I believe everyone of them is capable. So often we look at a task as being too big and ourselves as too small. Through companion texts such as the tipping point and civil disobedience, I plan on showing my kids the power of the individual in or against the system. Maybe they won't make it to TED or the UN, but they can post facebook statuses. They can educate those around them. And little by little, if enough people stay true to those 5 values, a change will come. If I didn't believe that, than I wouldn't be working in a system that is so screwed up.

I Respect Wile E. Coyote for Doubling His Efforts Even After He's Over the Edge

It's inevitable. We all know it's coming, yet it's still funny every time we see that dam coyote chase the road runner off the ledge, look at camera, sigh and drop to what we can only assume is his death. I for one would like to refrain from laughing at our poor coyote friend, and do what few people do enough: salute him. You see there are two things about Wile that I think are worth pointing out : his ability to keep running even after he's over the ledge and the fact he never accepts defeat. Think about it, he's out in mid air and he just keeps running, In fact he doubles his efforts. He runs faster and faster. Eventually he falls, but he does not dies; he gets up and starts chasing that dam bird again.

Teaching is tough. I'm three days in and I'm beat. Granted in those three days I have had to proctor and grade a test and deal with a substitute. Now don't get me wrong, it's not the substitute thats the problem. Its the fact that in 8th grade math, substitute + student teacher< a real teacher. But overall there wasn't a whole lot problems. Its just a lot of work. Waking up at 5, teaching all day, staying there till four doing lesson plans and then coming home to do more work. Overall I'm just tired. But here's the thing. Passion is better than red bull. It's definitely harder to create a classroom community than I thought. You come out of a college class that tells you all kinds methods and you think you're invincible. But these are real kids, and change doesn't happen over night. Were moving in the right direction though. We did an activity concerning core values today and it was really awesome to hear kids share what it most important to them and where those values came from.

It's scary when you don't know how things are going to come together. But I have faith that they will. And until they do, I'm going to take a page out of Mr. Coyotes book and keep my feet moving. Also I'm going to sleep like all day Saturday.

How Can We Build to Last?

Since my days as a Journalism major, when I realized just how toxic our media can be, I have made it a point to not watch television journalists when I can help it. So I switched my major to education, and in the last couple of years I have realized just how nauseating politics is. How deep the corruption runs and how strong the bureaucracy stands. So I have made it a point not to listen to politicians either. In Teaching as a Subversive Activity, Neil Postman talks about the problems facing our education system. He says schools are in the business of "creating eager consumers, "of transmitting dead ideas, values, metaphors and [irrelevant] information," and that they produce "smoothly functioning bureaucrats" that "undermine our chances of surviving as a viable democratic society." I think that sums up our current system pretty well, and that's sad. What's even sadder is that this book was written in 1968.

Most recently I have decided I can't afford to "sit the bench" of the political spectrum. I need to know what's being said and done and vice versa. So I listened to the State of the Union for the first time in years. I would first like to commend our commander in chief for being so eloquent and for what I think overall was an accurate picture of America and a bold plan for what lies ahead. A lot of what he said was idealistic and romantic and probably a lot of it will not happen, but we are in a time that demands idealism. As an education major I can tell you that we need to be idealistic, because the alternative is what your looking at today, and it's seemingly hopeless.

Mostly, I want to applaud President Obama for what he said regarding education. Of the hour and ten minute speech the portion of education was about 2 min, and that is heartbreaking on a lot of levels. But it's also about 2 minutes more than the average GOP candidate is willing to devote to education. Obama praised good teachers (and I thank him for that) saying "a good teacher can raise the lifetime income of a classroom by $250,000." He talked about the excruciating hours, the "modest" pay, spending their own money for resources and the regular "bashing" that goes on in todays media. He came out and said "Teachers Matter!" That's awesome. However he also said some misleading things as well. Such as "we have problems in our education system and we know how to fix them," and "Let's offer schools a deal: give them the resources to keep good teachers on the job and reward the best ones." First, I do no believe that the minds in charge of this country know how to fix the education system. If they do, they simply do not care. Because if NCLB and Race to the Top are their best efforts and their "solutions," than we are in trouble. Second, I am all in favor of a reward system that benefits great teachers and gets rid of the bad ones. The question is, how do we measure success? He does not say it in his speech, but Obama's plan for "rewarding great teachers" is rooted solely in standardized tests. The very thing that says we need to stop teaching towards.

The title of Obama's SOTU was Build to Last America. That's a great title. America is often so concerned with the short term fix. What's the fastest way to see results? What that leads to is disasters like the demise of the housing market and bills like No Child Left Behind. High risk loans and test scores are a really FAST way to see results, but they don't benefit anyone long term. I'm not a political analyst, but I liked a lot of what Obama had to say, because he admitted that our nation is somewhat broken, and there is a divide that needs to be fixed. I have a friend who I value a lot. She's teaching in the same building as me this semester and she's amazing at it. But she's also discouraged. Because she looks around at the system and the leaders and the professionals already in the field of education and she feels hopeless. She told me she's thinking about ditching teaching and becoming a missionary because that's a field where she actually feels like she can make a difference. Thats the cost of a broken system.

We cannot afford to lose passionate, honest people of any profession to hopelessness. Because without passion, we can't build anything. So I really urge you to vote this election. Look at each candidate, listen to their views and research every issue that matters to you and vote for a person, not a party.

If Success is Measured by Facebook Friend Requests, Then I Think I Did Good!

So that's a recording of my first day of student teaching that I took on my ipad today. As you can see, it went extremely well! In all seriousness though, today was awesome. It was your basic first day kind of stuff. I gave the kids a letter that outlined my goals and expectations for the time that I am with them and began to outline the upcoming units (you can view that handout here:

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B003QpF8WxQAN2MxNzFmYjQtN2FhZC00YTg1LWI0N2YtMzJlYWM0NmRjNzVm

I realized however that while my new years resolution of crunches and push-ups before bed may be well intended, I should have been working out my voice as well, because by 5th period my voice was cracking like one my pubescent students. I had a lot to do this morning so I went in at 6 am, which is the time my co-op gets there every day (crazy). As I began making my handouts, I realized Millersville has prepared me well in the area of pedagogy and content, but not so well in the "copier use" department (I apologize to the rain forest for the damage I did today).

One thing you learn quickly when you're in front of kids is the difference between quiet and listening. In the time I spent in the class last semester I often experienced crickets, and not the good kind. However today, I can say honestly that 80% of the time I was in front of the class today kids were engaged. They really latched on to a lot of the new ideas I presented to them. As I guided them through what was for many of them their first free write, I saw the same fear in their faces at the idea of sharing their writing that I had in mine over a year ago when the idea was first introduced to me.

Like I shared yesterday, fear is a part of life. That fact is just as true for my students as it is for me. However, often this fear is ignored. Teachers don't want to deal with it because often it leads to silence, and silence is scary. But eventually, if you embrace that silence, and you affirm that silence kids will share. It is through this destruction of walls and comfort zones that real learning can begin. I'm not there yet. I have a lot to do before I can establish the classroom community that I feel is most conducive, but today I planted a seed.

When I came home I had three friend requests waiting for me from students. This is terrifying for me. Todays culture is not so supportive of teachers being friends with students on social networks. I have my own views of this idea, but as a student teacher I definitely cannot take any risks, and my profile is in no way ready to be combed over by my students, so I denied those requests immediately. But as I sat at my desk checking emails I realized that I had three friend requests from STUDENTS. My students are interested in getting to know me, and that's a hell of a start.

"I'm that guy on the boat pissing his pants"

You do not have to know much about me to know that I am a huge movie buff. In fact, the first thing anyone notices when they walk into my college house the 6 ft. book shelf full of dvd's. Now I like all kinds of movies. I can bro-down with Wedding Crashers seven nights a week or melt as Richard Gere wins back Julia Roberts and they embrace and all is right with the world. But one of my favorite genre of movies is war films. Just the other day I was scanning through Saving Private Ryan trying to find a particular seen that I knew related well to a lesson I was planning for my student teaching. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore so I just started from the beginning and watched the whole thing (I mean come on, its SO good). I realized something in that opening scene, there is always a guy in war movies who gets so scared before a battle that he pees his himself. A lot of times you see this character before or after and he always is confident and talking a big game but for that one moment, he's deathly afraid.

Well, I'll just say it. Tomorrow I start student teaching, and I am that guy with the wet pants. Just like in little league, I talk a big game in the dugout and in the field when a kid from the other team is on base, but when I step in the batters box, my knees wobble like a weeble. But here's the thing. I'm nervous about all kinds of stuff that honestly I don't really care about. My co-ops approval of my teaching style, my lesson plan format, rubric structure and how I am going to read 2 plays for my one on campus class and submit an allocation plan for my club and get my graduation form completed all by this weekend. Just like the wet GI standing next to Tom Hanks, I'm focused so much on the beach and all the explosions that I forget my training, and what's worse, I forget my cause.

Parker Palmer, in The Courage to Teach, describes teaching as being rooted in integrity and identity as well as being an act of the heart. In this way teaching is an act of love. Therefor the opposite of love, at least as I define love, is selfishness. When I examine my fears, I find that I am leaving out the most important part of the equation: my students. I care about my students. Regardless of the fact that I am only a student-teacher, I care about my students, because they are my students. Palmer, in another of his books Let Your Life Speak (FYI this is an awesome book about finding your calling and IS NOT specific to teaching),“We ourselves, driven by fear, too often betray true self to gain the approval of others." This is the reason for my wet pants. I allow fear to forget that at my core I am driven by a desire to serve and a heart of compassion.

The thing about that soldier who loses control of his bladder is that he only does so for a moment. Eventually he is brought back to reality and realizes what he has to do to preserve himself and save his comrades. Now obviously the explosions and bullets, or in my case rubrics and lesson plans, don't go away. It's important that I am conscious of these things because if I'm not they'll end up being my demise.

So I'm going to go in there tomorrow and I'm going to rock student teaching, just like I always said I would in the dugout (are you keeping all these metaphors straight?), and frankly I don't care if my pants are wet, because I know who I am and where I want to be, plus I usually spill coffee on myself by third period anyway....

"A Tree Grows in Denver" or What I learned over Winter Break

If there is one thing I truly miss about going to school in Ohio, it is the drive. A man finds out quite a bit about himself on a six hour drive with his thoughts and an Ipod. What I always really liked was the feeling I would get right as I got off the Turnpike in Denver. I can't really describe it, but it was as if something inside of me, something I had not felt in a long time, was renewed. I think quite simply I can call this feeling: Home. Since I have been at Millersville, this doesn't happen as much. Home's never too far away. But for some reason, maybe it was the intense semester or my lack of visiting friends throughout the semester, this break I felt that feeling again.

So as I stayed at home over break laying around with Libby, reading, lesson planning, having my mom cook breakfast for the boys, all of it felt good, it felt right. Yet things were different. My same old friends hung out at the same old places, but something about us had changed. We had left Denver four years ago and soon a lot of us are going to leave for good. We sat around one night at the Hill Top buying rounds and we heard a lot of the same stories: the baseball championship we won in middle school, the senior talent show that we rocked and we listened to Brennen and Gwinny argue about who was better at lacrosse (in the end the consensus of the table was they both blow). But in the midst of all of this, we threw out words like "graduation," "PRAXIS," "MCAT," "Grad School," "moving down south" and "falling in love."

As I sat last night in my basement, my sanctuary since middle school, I thought about how much things had changed and how much more they are going to after this spring. And for the first time in awhile I was scared about my future. Nervous to student teach. In the midst of this nervous breakdown I spotted the photo montage on the wall of senior year. Senior dress up day (Best Group Costume Award: Toy Story, just saying), Sir Valentine, Prom, Graduation. You can't tell by looking at those pictures, but I was scared back then too. scared that I'd go to Ohio and lose the friends I had always had. I was reminded of the book "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn". Betty Smith describes Francie the man character in terms of her home life. She says "Part of her life was made from the tree growing rankly in the yard. She was the bitter quarrels she had with her brother whom she loved dearly. She was Katie's secret, despairing weeping. She was the shame of her father staggering home drunk." Later Smith says that it's true that Francie was all of those things, but she was also something more.

One of the units I'm teaching this semester is rooted in Identity. I chose this because I believe it's paramount for students to have an understanding of who they are, why they are that way and where they want to be. For me, that basement, the photo collage, my friends, my family, the books I read, all of that has led me to where I am. I love the feeling I get when I pull into my driveway and hang out with my friends, but I also love sitting around talking and finding out that in the last four years we've each become more.

"You want to make God Laugh?" Not really, I'd rather everything just work out like I planned....

Ladies and Gentleman, Common Spence is back. And as per my New Years Resolution, I will be posting on her every day of this semester, and hopefully of the year. At least that is the plan. Are you familiar with that saying "if you want to make God laugh tell him your plans?" I hate it. Mostly it bothers me because most of my plans do not work out and I hate thinking that some big guys sitting up a chair up there laughing at me, because I think most of my plans are pretty good.

Now I'm not that paranoid or egotistical as to think that God really sits up there foiling all of my plans on purpose just to assert some sort of power and prove a point. But why is it that these things seem to happen? Why do I spend most of my time planning valentines dates with a girl I don't know will even be interested in me in a month? Why do I stress to plan an entire calender for my student teaching experience when I know you can't adhere to a strict plan of action while keeping the students interests and needs in mind? In Neil Postman and Charles Weingartner's book Teaching as a Subversive Activity, a book which is quickly becoming my educational Bible, they state in the introduction that they are "serious professional educators." They go on to explain that this means that they are "simple, romantic men who risk contributing to the mental health problem by maintaining a belief in the improvability of the human condition through education."

I like this definition of a "professional educator" because it resonates with me; both my tendency to plan and romanticize every aspect of my life and my belief that my actions won't be in vain. That being said, I also am going to take this year to stop planning just a bit. I was recently reminded of a quote from one of my favorite books/movies Into the WIld. The author, Jon Krakauer writes "The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun." Planning is great, and I'm always going to romanticize my future, but it's also important to maintain a sense of adventure. To never adhere to a plan simply because it's written out, and miss an opportunity right in front of your face. Maybe that's why God laughs at our plans, not because he enjoys wrecking them, but he can't wait for us to stumble upon something even better. Something that no calender or planner could ever anticipate.