Accountability and Responsibility

"A heart well prepared for adversity in bad times hopes, and in good times fears for a change in fortune."- Horace

As I go through my first weeks of being a real teacher, I am realizing my students are not the only ones who have been allowed to skate through education with bad habits and work habits. I too have skated along procrastinating, avoiding work and at times putting forth less than my best. I have 3 classroom rule: 1) Respect Yourself, 2) Respect Others 3) Respect the room as a learning environment. I preach to my students daily that if they follow these rules they should be able to sit next to anyone, complete all their work on time and do their best. Some days those rules are followed pretty well, other days I am constantly raising my voice, giving out detentions and calling parents. Oddly enough, the trend set by my first block often holds true for the remaining three. I wonder why? Perhaps there's something in the air, or maybe a full moon, but what I think is really strange is usually these bad days coincide with days where I am teaching stories I am not passionate about or conducting a lesson that I thought about but never sat down and really planned, or had stayed up late the night before watching TV.

Thursday of this week followed one such day. Wednesday had found me frustrated, tired and unprepared. So Wednesday night I decided that rather than pass out on the couch, I would throw myself into planning for the next day. I chose a poem I had used in student teaching and even posted on this blog before called 'Knock Knock." I used the poem to teach theme and conflict. I stayed up until midnight making a prezi about the topic. I prepared pre-reading questions and discussion questions for after reading, and finished by crafting a personalized journal response based on the poem.

The next day I was still tired, but I have gotten used to this feeling. The lesson killed. It was just enough "stuff" to keep everyone working the length of the period. I was passionate about the poem which created interest, and the best was kids enjoyed the poem and could even relate to it more than I would have thought. Each class demanded multiple views and did the most meaningful writing they have done for me yet. Even my lowest class exceeded my expectation. The highlight for me was reading the words put on the page by one kids who has been quiet and stand-offish. He wrote

"This poem was sad because the boy lost his father to prison. In the end it was happy because he turned out ok. I felt sad reading it because my dad's in prison. I hope I will be ok too.

These three simple sentences were not only an intellectual accomplishment for him, but they expressed an empowering vulnerability, and they give me a shot of vitality that I long for in in each lesson. What I have learned is I can see and feel the difference between days when I put my heart into planning and days when I succumb to laziness, exhaustion and defeat. My students are better behaved, more engaged and do higher quality work, and that is more than enough for me to step up and start being responsible for the same rules to which I hold them accountable.

The Magic of Tomorrow

Teaching is a lot like most things in life: it's not what you expect. I was pretty psyched to start my new job. I had an idea of what my classroom would look like, and I realized day one that my idea was off. The first week was rough. It really was a combination of being new, working with 7th graders (who I found out are SURPRISINGLY younger than 8th graders) and being a bit unprepared for the culture I was stepping into. It certainly was not ideal. The biggest hurdle that I faced was realizing that for me to teach these kids, I may have to adjust my method and style. One class especially (my last class of the day), was just knocking the wind out of me every day. However I soon remembered one of the perks of being a teacher: tomorrow. Every tomorrow is an opportunity to do better. To change. To start new. The best thing is, the kids totally subscribe to this magic. They love second chances just as much as I do. So far I am 8 days in, and I have taken full advantage of my fresh starts.

I have had to crack down a bit on my last class, disciplinary wise, but its worked. I also moved a bunch of kids from that class to another class to make the size more manageable, and I can already see a positive change both for me, and my students. All in all this week has been exactly what I needed, I'm still a long way from figuring it out, but I have my confidence and optimism back. I mentioned the culture, and I think it really does play a huge factor. I have some kids that are lower academically than I have ever seen. I have some kids that are so nasty to one another that it takes my breath away. I have some kids who put in zero effort because CHOOSING to fail is a lot less demeaning than TRYING and failing. And a lot of those kids go home to places that I can't imagine. But despite their environment, those kids show up everyday. The least I can do is show up too. And offer them the chance to start fresh tomorrow with me.